Wild Guide: Your Satisfaction Matters

Wild Guide Rule #12





We are in nothing short of interesting times. I feel a growing rise of consciousness, healthier communication, and all kinds of amazing things going on. I also see a lot of truth coming to the surface. In light of the Aziz Ansari #metoo story, I thought I’d write this week’s Wild Guide about female satisfaction. I’ve written about owning our happiness, confidence, and getting comfortable with setting up boundaries. But how stealth are you in being able to say what you want? How bold are you when it comes to owning your own satisfaction?


As women, we’ve typically been groomed to restrain our wants, and prioritize male satisfaction. We’ve been taught a system that doesn’t work and makes us unhappy. We’ve been embedded with the notion that if we make a man happy, then we’ll be happy. It’s not that it’s bad to make other people happy. It’s just that it’s most important we learn to make ourselves happy first. Our happiness shouldn’t depend on a man being happy with, or interested in us. Our comfort and happiness are equally important. So if we’re not feeling a situation (sexually, professionally, whatever) we have the right to say so. Reading the Ansari story made me think of the times I incorrectly felt I had to put up with something because I didn’t want to embarrass a guy. I shelved my satisfaction so that I didn’t make the situation awkward.

That’s not helping any situation, especially not for you. It’s time we had a healthy dose of knowing that our satisfaction matters in every situation. It’s not something that ever needs to be secondary. Especially not for the sake of another person’s happiness over our own. Listen to the fearless inner voice that voices dissatisfaction. Honor it and obey it next time. You’ll be surprised how empowering it feels to create space for what you desire.



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Comments (1)

  • I agree wholeheartedly with your blog on women’s satisfaction. Women need to be proactive about owning, gaining and maintaining their happiness. As the common saying goes: “Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

    Could it be that simple though? I choose to be happy, therefore, I am? In my opinion yes and no. On one level, a person has to acknowledge that happiness is possible and achievable before self-actualization can happen.

    Then, men – some men – should reform their behavior. I say “some men” because generalizing men is wrong. I have heard the phrase “Happy wife, happy life,” from many satisfied husbands who truly mean it.

    Reforming the misogynists out there will indeed require the “carrot and stick” method. You asked “how stealth are you?” and “how bold are you?” regarding achieving your own happiness. In my opinion The #MeToo movement is the carrot.

    Why do I say that when some are calling it the stick? Well, to advance social development and organization, we must all restrain our wants to various degrees. This country is founded on the exact opposite, with the slave in ultimate restraints and the master unfettered to murder and rape.

    Misogyny is the hatred of women, so why isn’t rape dealt with as a hate-crime also? What if you had the type of reactionary vitriol and revenge with rape that is associate with commissions of other hate crimes? Now, that would be the stick. I am not calling for that in full-scale, but approaching that limit might be part of the answer. The carrot is only effective when the realization happens that the stick is possible and achievable.


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